| Thursday, October 25th, 2007 |
| 9:30 pm |
Human having difficulty foraging. V bad. Wonder if food will last until human return. Maybe human eaten by dragon? Must kill dragon! Must save human! Just need thumbs. Should have leveled up more. Might learn spell of op3n c4n then. V useful. Still smartest cat in house. V good. |
| Tuesday, March 20th, 2007 |
| 5:56 am |
has been long time since able to update. first was eaten by dragon. dragon v loud. dragon fly for long time. not good. after long time, dragon give up trying to digest. dragon say "too furry! yuck! go away! and thank you for choosing american!". dragons make no sense. v stupid. roland thought dragon purring the whole time, not digesting. six hours purring? haha. even roland can't purr for six hours! stupid roland. next was in new house. had to explore! might not be smartest cat! forced to eat v fast in case seekrit cats come steal food. v bad for digestion. also destroyed several plants in case they were seekrit cats. best to be sure. could not write in journal in case of seekrit cat spies. v inconvenient. am now thinking no seekrit cats in house. roland insists he is prettiest cat in house. v annoying, won't shut up. maybe will introduce him to mirror. still smartest cat in house. v good. |
| Wednesday, July 5th, 2006 |
| 2:19 pm |
roland still pervy mouse-fancier. also pervy ribbon-fancier. iew. still smartest cat in house. v good. |
| Friday, June 2nd, 2006 |
| 10:47 am |
have found new hero! is fighter for freedom! for all that is right and true! even oppressed by stupidity of common cat just like me! http://www.twolumps.net/d/20040604.htmlhas stupid name though. still smartest cat in house. v good. |
| Wednesday, November 9th, 2005 |
| 2:32 pm |
been tagged by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) lokiect! n good!! is not even cat!!!! hm, maybe tag shiny. have pretty collar? want pretty collar! 1. think balrog for warm much better than blanket. so cute, too! 2. made truce w green mice long time ago. they not tasty, i not eat. roland more dumb. truce v good. 3. have patented box-on-head technique. guaranteed to wake sleeping human, any time day or night. have been trying to contact expert marketing mgr Saruman via palantir. so far no luck. once for sale, will have tasties for life! will rule world! 4. am only line of defense between humans and evil trees. v difficult problem. roland not eat evil trees, only good trees. v stupid. 5. still smartest cat in house. v good. am supposed to make more tag? should tag roland. he get lost if no tag. v stupid. still smartest cat in house. v good. |
| Friday, October 28th, 2005 |
| 3:57 pm |
no balrog yet. v sad. still smartest cat in house. v good. |
| Wednesday, October 26th, 2005 |
| 3:00 pm |
world v chilly. need balrog. still smartest cat in house. v good. |
| Wednesday, October 19th, 2005 |
| 12:07 pm |
Have made many new discoveries since last updated. first, located source of tasty. tasties grow on top of Evil Brown Monolith. want more tasties! bad news is Evil Brown Monolith only climbable from Plateau of Fire. v scary. have been trying to level up to improve climbing skills and avoid Plateau of Fire. levelling up v. difficult. ( thus far )still smartest cat in house. v good. |
| Tuesday, October 18th, 2005 |
| 2:28 pm |
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| Tuesday, June 7th, 2005 |
| 11:24 am |
Journeyed into dark cave of despair today. Found demon there. Fought demon. Was really Roland. Stupid cat. Still smartest cat in house. v good. |
| Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005 |
| 1:12 pm |
Have discovered new enemy. House plants formed alliance w big trees! Trees invading! Invading house! With pollen! Help, help! Still smartest cat in house. v good. |
| Tuesday, January 25th, 2005 |
| 9:31 pm |
Have new goal. Must create bezoar to thwart evil. Bezoar v powerful. Creation process often interrupted by human w mop. V sad. Still smartest cat in house. V good. |
| Friday, January 14th, 2005 |
| 10:42 am |
Not sure how to say it? Email seem too cliche? Say it with a cat-o-gram! Only 14.95! |
| Sunday, January 2nd, 2005 |
| 9:43 pm |
Much to report since last update. Was experimenting with use of cat-net to turn human away from palantir. Experiment unsuccessful. During Roland's turn to monitor, he decided to monitor fish instead of human. Stupid Roland. Pervy mouse fancier! Fish sensed cat-net and tried to destroy. Was necessary to destroy them first. Battled them for many months without decisive victory. Then found v secret weapon. Salmon toothpaste v intimidating to evil fish. Salmon must be fish of righteousness! Fish v tasty. After fish vanquished, made several new discoveries. First, human lap-warmer not just used for warmth. Is really a porta-palantir! DOOM! Luckily, porta-palantir easily darkened by folding up. Stupid design, illustrates rule that evil contains seeds of own destruction (which also explains why plants evil). Second, learned Roland is pervy fish-fancier. Fish are for eating, not for watching! Still smartest cat in house. V good. Current Mood:  groggyCurrent Music: Barnes & Barnes - Fish Heads |
| Wednesday, September 1st, 2004 |
| 10:51 am |
Cat-Net is Monitoring You. |
| Thursday, March 11th, 2004 |
| 10:49 pm |
Human made blood sacrifice to mailman yesterday. Connected with palantir? Do not understand. Saving world v hard. Still smartest cat in house. V good. |
| Monday, March 1st, 2004 |
| 9:08 am |
Received distress signal from unknown source yesterday. Used special encryption code. V secure. Humans always confused by "4444444". Decrypting hard, though. Message said "PLEASE SEND FOOD STOP NO MICE LEFT STOP V HUNGRY". Seems to be food shortage here also. Is evil palantir causing famine? Is this end of world?!? Must save world! Still smartest cat in house. V good. |
| Monday, February 23rd, 2004 |
| 2:54 pm |
Plan to free human from palantir started. Started own attempts at mind-control. Figured thoughts of fish would turn even human away from evil. Always works on Roland. No go, though. Just caused human to tell palantir about fish while laughing hysterically. Apparently fish evil too. Who knew? Long day of mind control and didn't even get fish for the trouble. V frustrating. Must go eat tree now. Still smartest cat in house. V good. |
| Friday, February 20th, 2004 |
| 7:53 am |
Accidentally stepped onto palantir yesterday. V bad. Did not know blinky lights were evil. Human communes with it all the time! No wonder human is pervy tooth fancier. At least have mission now. Must rescue human from blinky lights! Still smartest cat in house. V good. |
| Wednesday, February 11th, 2004 |
| 10:52 am |
This morning, Roland tried on purple scarf. Purple so not his color! Could not help but shriek with laughter. Roland very offended. Stupid cat. Still smartest cat in house. V good. |
